It’s been months since the last time I have posted here. Not because I don’t want to but I just wanted to control myself in blogging for the reason that I am not really good in English and it might frustrate my readers, hehe.
The last post I have created was when tatay was on coma and we were scheduled to visit him, I mentioned there that I wanted Lord God to take him away to stop the pain he is encountering, but I didn’t know that it will hurt me a lot now that he’s gone.
Those days that I was there I never failed to talk to him and ask him if he’s ok or what. I never failed to kiss him and hug him each time I have chances to do that. I love tatay so much and I realize that more when I am already seeing his pains. I know how painful is that for him to know that he was already in hospital bed taking meds and eating thru his nose using a hose and I wanted to release those painful moments of him by simply telling him were there to take care of him and nanay.
Tatay was so emotional, he is still crying even if it’s hard for him to do that. His brain is not functioning unless the doctor and nurses will inject a med for his brain. Each time he looks at me his eyes were teary and full of words that I can’t understand and read. I kept on praying for him not to feel the pain.
I still remember that Sunday morning when he was fully awake and wanted to watch Pacman’s fight (he was a big fan of Pacquiao and he doesn’t even want to miss his fights) so I stood up and move his bed so he will be able to watch. He was smiling at me that day and his eyes were full of joy. I didn’t know that it was the sign of goodbye.
That Sunday was the last day I will be able to have a bond with him. That night he encountered his 3rd heart attack. He was shaking all over, I was so mad at the nurses because I kept on calling them and they were not minding me. They kept on telling me that they will go but no one will come. I told tatay to stay strong andjust wait for the nurses to come since I already called them. Finally after 3-5min, a nurse came and she was shock seeing tatay having an attack so she immediately called his co-nurses. They gave tatay meds tried to survive him, and me, I am just holding his hands, his feet and crying.
Tatay survived that night, mom is there hugging him and by 10pm they left. Only me and nanay was left at the hospital.
By 1am, I am just massaging his feet and letting nurses to do their job, suddenly around 1:30-45am, the nurse whose holding the hose and feeding him stopped and didn’t know what to do.
I looked at him and asked him what is happening; he didn’t even look at me and didn’t answer my question.
So I stood up and started to touch tatay on his arms and hand, then a tear fell from his left eye then he stopped breathing. Yes, I saw and heard his last breathe and up to now it is still fresh in my memory. His last breathe the last tear and the feeling of holding his hand.
I still recall those days I was with him, and a tear is still falling from my eyes every time I remember him. He will be missed and I thank God for his presence in our lives. For raising my mom even if she’s not their legitimate child.
The last post I have created was when tatay was on coma and we were scheduled to visit him, I mentioned there that I wanted Lord God to take him away to stop the pain he is encountering, but I didn’t know that it will hurt me a lot now that he’s gone.
Those days that I was there I never failed to talk to him and ask him if he’s ok or what. I never failed to kiss him and hug him each time I have chances to do that. I love tatay so much and I realize that more when I am already seeing his pains. I know how painful is that for him to know that he was already in hospital bed taking meds and eating thru his nose using a hose and I wanted to release those painful moments of him by simply telling him were there to take care of him and nanay.
Tatay was so emotional, he is still crying even if it’s hard for him to do that. His brain is not functioning unless the doctor and nurses will inject a med for his brain. Each time he looks at me his eyes were teary and full of words that I can’t understand and read. I kept on praying for him not to feel the pain.
I still remember that Sunday morning when he was fully awake and wanted to watch Pacman’s fight (he was a big fan of Pacquiao and he doesn’t even want to miss his fights) so I stood up and move his bed so he will be able to watch. He was smiling at me that day and his eyes were full of joy. I didn’t know that it was the sign of goodbye.
That Sunday was the last day I will be able to have a bond with him. That night he encountered his 3rd heart attack. He was shaking all over, I was so mad at the nurses because I kept on calling them and they were not minding me. They kept on telling me that they will go but no one will come. I told tatay to stay strong andjust wait for the nurses to come since I already called them. Finally after 3-5min, a nurse came and she was shock seeing tatay having an attack so she immediately called his co-nurses. They gave tatay meds tried to survive him, and me, I am just holding his hands, his feet and crying.
Tatay survived that night, mom is there hugging him and by 10pm they left. Only me and nanay was left at the hospital.
By 1am, I am just massaging his feet and letting nurses to do their job, suddenly around 1:30-45am, the nurse whose holding the hose and feeding him stopped and didn’t know what to do.
I looked at him and asked him what is happening; he didn’t even look at me and didn’t answer my question.
So I stood up and started to touch tatay on his arms and hand, then a tear fell from his left eye then he stopped breathing. Yes, I saw and heard his last breathe and up to now it is still fresh in my memory. His last breathe the last tear and the feeling of holding his hand.
I still recall those days I was with him, and a tear is still falling from my eyes every time I remember him. He will be missed and I thank God for his presence in our lives. For raising my mom even if she’s not their legitimate child.
Very touching post Shy. It is really hard to accept the lost especially if it is someone who is very special to us. I think you have been a really good grand daughter to your Tatay and he knows that. I think the lesson that we have to learn is to always remember to tell people that we love them and that we care for them while they are still around so that we don't regret anything when they are gone. And you did just that. You stayed by your Tatay's side until his very last breath. You even sacrificed your job just to be able to be at his side during his last hours on earth. I know he misses you too. He is safe wherever he is now. And I now he is proud of you just as we (your friends) are also proud of you. And excuse me, who told you you're not good in English? Stop it. Hahaha!
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